So, you may, or may not, have noticed that I took a somewhat break from my blog through January. This was completely unintentional, however, it also showed me that I need to go out and do more things! It sounds really strange, but when I’m in blogging mode, I go and see things and do things so that I can update it and hopefully you will find it interesting. January was a really good month for me. I have stayed on top of all of my work stuff and I’ve been able to really try and not get too stressed. However, my social life took a back seat.
Teaching was something that I decided I wanted to do when I was around 17/18. I knew that I wanted to make a difference and I knew that I wanted to be fairly hands on when it came to learning. I completed an art diploma, went to University and began my job in a… “challenging” school (Couldn’t think how to describe it). I am now in a lovely school, with staff and parents who all care about the children within it. If there are any issues or concerns, they are dealt with and I have to say that they are also very supportive and have welcomed me really well since joining in September.
My rambling is basically leading to this question; “Is this it?” This doesn’t apply to my job in the slightest. It’s not dragging me down or worrying me or making me feel like I’m not achieving anything. I am, and I know I am, but it is aimed at day to day life. I normally get up around 6/6:30am unless I am going into work early for something and I return home at about 6/6:30pm in the evening. I then eat my dinner, mark some more books, do a bit more planning and that’s it. I don’t know why I’m telling you this. I think it is to make myself see that time with my friends and family should always come first, no matter what. It can be really difficult. I have a busy job that needs a lot of focus, they also have hectic lives with things going on, but do people get to a certain age and just stop making that time for people? Do you have to put your grown-up responsibilities before what you actually want to do?
We are kind of told not to say ‘I want’ in life. But why not? I don’t get it. Why can’t we say what we want? Surely it’s our life and we’re the only ones who know what we want from it? Well…
I want to travel. I want to see things. I want to climb mountains and trees and swing on ropes. I want to eat really disgusting looking/sounding foods. I want to go shopping and spend a fortune and not worry. I want to read a ton of books and not feel like I’ve wasted that time. I want to spend time roaming around museums without worrying about train times to get home. I want to get stupidly drunk and laugh so much that my stomach hurts. I want to be able to understand some of the poems/readings/books that my sister reads and ‘get it’. I want to learn to make my own dress from scratch. I want to see Kanye West screaming his songs out in the flesh. I want to dance and make a fool out of myself. I want to have the confidence to go and eat in public on my own. I want to paint a sky that is bigger than my bedroom wall. I want to think ‘f*** it’ when someone looks at me or makes a comment about what I’m wearing/my hair/my make-up/my life. I want to cry laugh in public and not cover up my face.
This is in no way aimed at any person or specific things in my life, it’s just a discussion point that I’ve needed to get off my chest so to speak. I think this is the most honest I’ve been in ages and I totally and utterly didn’t mean for it to turn into this ramble that it has. I guess this could be the kick up the bum that I needed to stop stressing and worrying about the little things and focus on what matters.
‘The only beautiful things are the things that do not concern us’ – Oscar Wilde
I hope this has inspired/captured/made you think/change your mind/given you confidence or whatever you need from it!
Peace and love, Polly May xx